Narcissism
ANNA FROST, NCPsyA
What causes Narcissism?
Narcissism has to do with the biological need to feel noticed, valued, and connected. It’s a fundamental human need for recognition, attunement, and care. We all need enough of this kind of input/acknowledgement to feel secure in our relationships.
Narcissism is simply caused by a lack of Narcissistic Supply. If we don’t get enough of this Supply, our relationships become a search for validation, leading to patterns of disconnection, anxiety, and potential burnout.
Everyone requires enough Narcissistic Supply to access healthy relationships with Self and Others. From infancy onward, access to sufficient narcissistic supply is foundational for a stable sense of self.
It’s important to note, no two people get the same amount of this Narcissistic Supply even if they are members of the same family. Differences in quantity and quality from early caregivers shape to what extent people need more, or seek more Supply.
What Narcissistic Supply Really Is
Infants are born relationally dependent. When caregivers notice the needs of the infant, when they attend the baby’s signals well enough, the infant will relax. With repeated attuned responses — hunger relieved, cries soothed, emotions mirrored — children will internalize their caregivers’ calm attending. When this attuned response (Narcissistic Supply) is reliably delivered, a child can relax into it’s own skin and explore the world with less anxiety.
When caregivers are inconsistent, unavailable, or emotionally dismissive, children will grow up needing to seek external validation. Effects include fragile self-worth, need for approval, chronic attention-seeking, and difficulty self-soothing. In adulthood looks like a persistent need for admiration or validation from partners and peers.
Everyone needs recognition; differences in how much and what kind of Supply we received shape whether our seeking is healthy, conditional, or harmful.
What My Work Looks Like
I work with individuals and couples experiencing lack of Narcissistic Supply. We start by learning how these patterns originated. We explore what kind of recognition or care you received, or didn’t receive, early on, and what that meant for you.
From there, we explore and identify patterns that no longer serve you. Where and how do you get Narcissistic Supply? How can you best acquire it if you’re not getting it?
As you experience being seen and understood even in the course of several sessions, you begin to internalize an awareness that Narcissistic Supply is available and you will begin to notice that you have the capacity to acquire these emotional goods, that you have the capacity to relax.
Sessions are 45 to 60 minutes, most often weekly, beginning with a series of 6 sessions. Available by phone, Zoom, or in person from anywhere in the US. Everything is completely private. No chart notes, no paper trail. Nothing leaves the room.
Ready to Access Narcissistic Supply?
Call for a free 15-minute consultation.
Anna Frost, NCPsyA 303.547.8493 annafrost.bc@gmail.com
