Parents who are secure in their emotional skins make a safe and caring frame for their children. When a parent holds the baby, the baby feels the heartbeat, the breathing, the muscle tension of this parent and these physical/emotional cues translate to its little body how safe the world is. 

When parents are settled and relaxed (enough) as they hold their distressed wailing infant, the infant experiences the parents as reliable and ultimately comforting. When we parents are on solid emotional/relational ground, we provide a stable, calm, relaxed environment for our kids. 

So, how do we cultivate emotional stability/availability?

Stability/availability becomes accessible when parents acquire sufficient ‘narcissistic supplies’ for themselves. When parents are supplied with these goods — they have the bandwidth to consistently and thoughtfully relate with all kinds of disruptions, aggravations, irritations, and upset. 

No matter what is happening energetically in the room with our infants, toddlers, adolescents, or young adults, we have the bandwidth to be available, and BE WITH our children in the best possible way.

If we didn’t get enough narcissistic supplies (support, recognition, feeling known and enjoyed by our own parents) as we were growing up, we need to find a way to acquire these supplies — or we run the risk of parenting like our parents.

The process (relational analysis) is necessarily relational and experiential. It is a slow and steady “guts-on-the-table” learning in service of understanding and bringing all parts of yourself into view. This viewing enables you to get acquainted with your programming and begin to overtly choose the HOW of every interaction with your children.

Invest in this emotional/relational journey for six months for your Self, your Children, your Family and notice the difference.